Womanly Troubles
by Daxmvarg
Summary: Tifa was a barmaid and an attractive one at that. She knew this, Cloud knew this, and so did the men who couldn't keep their hands to themselves. Luckily, Tifa was well versed in the art of kicking ass, but there's always that one guy who gets a lucky shot...


A/N: Saw Final Fantasy VII Remake, saw they nerfed Tifa's chest, busted out Word 365, wrote this bad boi out, pray I don't offend anybody, hope people will be fine with my first entry into this particular fandom, let's get this started.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of it's characters

* * *

Tifa was a woman. Tifa was attractive. And Tifa worked at one of Edge's most successful bars (technically the _only_ bar in Edge) which meant many, _many_ people knew about her and her beauty.

Tifa _guessed _she could pass for being called attractive, though many would disagree and call her outright beautiful. Yuffie said she was beautiful, Cloud said she was beautiful—though he only said that to her when he thought she was asleep when they lay together in bed at night—and many, _many_ other men said she was beautiful. Usually in less-than subtle ways.

But she was okay with that though. As creepy and uncomfortable as it was to see people she didn't even know to names of staring at her and her _assets_, that was all it was—staring.

Sure, maybe there were a couple of times where a horny guy said something that crossed just a _little_ bit over the line, but that was what Cloud was for. And if _he_ wasn't there to burn a hole through a leery guy's head with his Mako-blue eyes, well...there were only four unspoken rules in 7th Heaven.

One. Don't piss off Cloud Strife.

Two. Don't break stuff.

Three. Don't touch the kids.

Four. You _do not_ grope Tifa Lockhart.

As for everything else, so long as no blood gets on the walls, everything else is fair game, or as Cid once so eloquently put it, "If it ain't fuckin' broke, then don't fuckin' touch it."

But, like all bars, the 7th Heaven sold alcohol, and as expected, when a desiring male gets hopped up on liquid courage, some..._forget_ these four unspoken rules. That's when Cloud starts beating a tattoo into the hilt of his sword, when the kids come downstairs to watch the inevitable opening of a can of whoopass, and when Tifa tightens up those black leather gloves.

Once upon a time, those gloves were used for beating monsters and world-ending maniacs into the ground. Nowadays those gloves were used to beating drunks into the ground with all the fire and fury Tifa could muster that day.

Most people would immediately back off, with some even having the grace to look sheepish at being caught in the act and mumble out an apology, but every so often, there would be that _one_ customer who just couldn't take the hint. Most times, it was actually Cloud who scared those customers off, but not tonight.

Tifa didn't think today would've been anything out of the ordinary. Wake up at 5:15 a.m. sharp, get downstairs, cook some breakfast for Cloud and the kids, kiss Cloud goodbye on the cheek before he went to work, drop the kids off at school, organize the bar real quick, get some paperwork done, and open the doors at 7:30. To a normal person, that would've sounded like a lot of work in the span of two hours, but Tifa was anything _but_ normal, especially considering her and Cloud's convoluted past together.

But that was in the past. Geostigma had been all but eradicated, Marlene and Denzel were growing up healthily, Cloud was coming back to her and becoming more open and loving towards her and the kids, and business was booming. She even managed to hire an assistant bartender, a lanky but stouthearted kid by the name of Arron. Tifa was, for lack of a better word, _happy_. Happy that after all they've been through, Ifrit finally decided to give them the rest they so deserved.

Today was like every other day. A couple of stragglers wandered in per usual, asking _politely_ for their usuals, and Tifa treated them with both food and smiles.

You don't _demand_ food in the 7th Heaven.

Then came the lunch rush. In the past, Tifa would've been overwhelmed with how many people suddenly decided to make the 7th Heaven their go-to for food and drinks, even with her years of experience, but luckily, that was what Arron was for. After the lunch rush was when Denzel and Marlene usually got home from school.

Despite Tifa's acceptance in the fact that nothing could last forever, she was still saddened by the changes both Marlene and Denzel were experiencing. Denzel was now taller than her, almost the same height as Cloud (though it wasn't as if it was that hard to achieve, she teased Cloud), and was now staying away from home for longer and longer amounts of time.

Marlene, on the other hand, was now beginning to fill in, both physically and emotionally. With every passing day, Tifa could see just how much of her had rubbed off on the girl. She was still as excitable and bubbly as ever, but Tifa was saddened to see the last vestiges of childhood replaced by the inevitable coming of adolescence.

She hoped the day "the talk" came won't come anytime soon.

After helping Marlene with her schoolwork and calling Denzel to make sure he was okay ("I'm _fifteen,_ Tifa. Cut me some slack, will you?"), Tifa then called Cloud. To her relief, the phone barely rang past two times before Cloud picked up.

"Tifa."

Short and to the point. Just like Cloud.

She smiled, happy to hear his voice after a long day of work. "Hi Cloud! How are you doing?"

Cloud grunted and Tifa heard the rustle of fabric as he fidgeted with something. "I'm doing fine. Fenrir's having a little bit of trouble with the cold, but I'm sure he'll pull through."

"'He?'" Tifa teased. "Since when did Cloud Strife start naming his motorcycle?"

"Fenrir's always had a name. Hence the word 'Fenrir.'"

"You know what I mean," Tifa said, the corners of her mouth slightly lifting. It never satisfied her to know that only she had the ability to get Cloud to open up. "I was asking since when you decided to give Fenrir a gender."

"Why not?" was the typical Cloud response.

"What if it's a girl?"

"Last time I checked, 'Fenrir' meant 'with heart and courage of a wolf.' Don't know about you, but I don't know any girls that have the 'heart and courage of a wolf.'"

Tifa rose an eyebrow, mildly affronted. "Oh really?" she asked. "Well then, chocobo-head, what about the girl that happens to own the building you happen to live in? The same girl that happened to put up with you and your Geostigma?"

"Except you, of course," Cloud hastily corrected. "And besides, you never could throw me out."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that…" Tifa said teasingly. She glanced towards the wall and was shocked to see that it was nearly 6:00. The dinner rush would begin soon.

"Hey, sorry to cut this short, but the dinner rush is about to start soon," she said apologetically. "Do you think you're going to be back tonight?"

She could see Cloud rubbing his chin as he did the math in his head. "Yeah, probably," he said, and how her heart soared at hearing words! It was just two words, but those two words made her the happiest woman alive.

"That's great!" she chirped. Then, adding a husky undertone to her voice, she added, "I'm thinking of making a _special_ dinner for you tonight."

"Not interested," Cloud replied, though she could tell by the brief pause in the beginning that he was catching on.

Tifa waggled her eyebrows, though she knew Cloud wouldn't have been able to see her. "You _sure_ you're not interested? I heard it's _real_ popular among the male customers."

"Tifa," Cloud said, sounding exasperated. "Get to work. I just need to deliver one or two more packages and then I'll head home. I'll get there at around ten."

"Great then!" Tifa chirped. "See you then! I love you!"

Tifa could've sworn she heard Cloud mumble, "I love you too," before the call suddenly ended. When she checked, it was Cloud who ended the call. As usual.

Chuckling and shaking her head, she turned around and was promptly greeted by the sight of a large man looming over her, his dark hands on his hips as he used his natural height advantage to look down her shirt. Unconsciously lifting the neckline on her shirt to cover her cleavage better, Tifa asked, "Is there anything you need?"

The man swayed for a second before asking, "Now who was it there you were talkin' to there, girly?"

Tifa swallowed as she edged around the man. "Cloud Strife," she said without fear. "My…"

Lover? Husband? Friend? Honestly, all three could apply to him, but in the end, Tifa chose to simply say, "My companion."

The large man tipped his shades down with one massive finger as he looked at her in the eyes. "What kinda companion we talkin' 'bout?"

Part of her was tempted to say "the one that would kick your ass and redefine the definition of the phrase along the way" but she ultimately settled on simply saying, "the one I hold closest to my heart."

_Gods_, how much more cliche could she get?

The man didn't seem too pleased at that either, though Tifa had an inkling it was more because of the connotation behind it rather than the clicheness.

"Is that so?" he rumbled. "Shame. If anything, the closest thing to your heart would've been your ti—"

"Marlene, are you done with your homework yet?" she suddenly called out.

"Almost!" came the reply.

As if a blindfold had been lifted from his eyes, the man suddenly retreated and moved his shades back up. "You got kids?" he asked.

Part of Tifa was tempted to snarkily reply "Well, yes, but actually no," but the more practical side of her responded with, "Yeah. Two of them. Marlene, who you just heard, and Denzel. He's out right now, but he should come back...right about…" She glanced at the clock. It read 5:54 p.m.

"..._now_."

"Hey, I'm home!" Denzel called out. "What's for dinner?"

The man flinched and hastily retreated over to his seat as Denzel poked his head in. "What's up?" he asked.

"You're awfully early tonight," Tifa said casually as she glanced pointedly at the clock on the wall.

Denzel had the grace to look sheepish. "Yeah...sorry. Kira asked me to walk her home today, so...yeah."

_That_ got Tifa's attention. Denzel? Walking someone home? A girl of all people? This could only mean one thing…

Hiding her surprise behind the "disappointed mom headshake," she said, "You know I want you back at 5:30, right?"

"I know," Denzel mumbled, shuffling his feet. "I tried to run back as fast I could though. Look!" He pushed back his hair to show the line of sweat clinging to his forehead.

Tifa smiled and couldn't help but say, "I don't see anything. All I see is a boy needing a haircut soon."

"But I like my hair long though!" he complained. "It looks really cool when _Cloud_ does it, why don't you let me do it?"

Tifa hissed, short and sharp, as she gestured with her head towards the man sitting alone in the corner, staring at Tifa, or rather, Tifa's chest.

Denzel caught the look, and his expression darkened as he followed the man's gaze. "Do you want me to—"

"It's fine," Tifa said hurriedly. "Just make sure you get home on time next time, okay?"

"Okay Ti—_Mom_," Denzel said, hastily correcting his mistake before rushing up the stairs.

The gentle, motherly smile of Tifa's face did little to represent the true extent of her happiness at being called "Mom" or "Mother." At first, it was only a way to get rid of early-bird customers like the large man. Afterall, despite Tifa's alluring looks, most were unwilling to take on the responsibilities of _two_ of her "kids."

Oh, little did they know what she and Cloud had to go through to get them…

The rest of the night was pretty much textbook from there. The crowd came in, she busted her ass making sure everyone was satisfied and happy with their orders, endured a couple leery looks and catcalls, threw out a couple of misfits, and sighed in both exhaustion and relief when the last big group headed out.

Throwing her eyes around the bar, Tifa saw that there were only a fewcustomers left, mostly loners tending to their drinks and keeping to themselves. All of them were regulars, except one...the large man with shades sitting in the corner, who was _still_ staring at Tifa's chest.

Tifa pursed her lips worriedly. Most people stayed for a couple hours, _max_, but this guy's been sitting there for practically half the day, just..._watching_ her. Swallowing her sudden discomfort, Tifa subtly slipped on her gloves from behind the counter.

Right as she was tightening the straps of her glove, the last customer, a sleazy-looking but surprisingly knowledgeable and kind-hearted man, rose up from his seat and tossed her a couple gil.

"Thanks for the drink, Tiff. Y'sure know how to make a cocktail."

Tifa smiled as she pocketed the coin. "Thank you," she said. "Be careful on your way home now! It's dark out, and it's not getting any lighter."

The man chuckled as he tipped an even sleezier-looking fedora towards her. "Ah, I wouldn't be too worried about getting jumped in this part of town, especially since you're here. Odds are, you'll probably go full mother-chocobo mode on 'em."

Tifa accepted the compliment with a smile and a nod. "Well, I guess I _could_ be considered a mother now that I've got Denzel and Marlene. Quite a handful, though, those two."

The man chuckled as he left the building. "Aye. G'night, Lockhart."

"Good night, Al!"

Tifa sighed as the door closed behind him, and she looked around the bar again only to find that the large man _still_ hadn't moved. She glanced at the clock. It read 9:00. Cloud would be here in an hour. It's time for this guy to go.

Walking over to his table to collect _several_ bottles of beer, Tifa said, "It's closing time. I'm afraid I'll have to shoo you out of here."

"Aw, dun't be like that," the man slurred, reaching out with a hand to cup her backside. "Night's still young! Could show ya a good time!"

Tifa smiled uneasily as she easily pried his hands off of her. Tonight was going to be one of _those_ nights, wasn't it?

"As much as I would like to see you try, I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

"Aw, c'mon girly!" the man said again, reaching over to rest a hand on her thigh. "I know I don't look like much, but I can show you what that man of yours can never do!"

Again, she pried his hands off her. This time, with a bit of steel in her voice, she said, "Maybe, but that's not the point right now. The bar's closed, mister. I need you out of here, _now."_

"Only if ya give me a kiss," the man said, puckering up and leaning his head towards her.

Tifa wrinkled the nose at the smell of alcohol on the man's breath and gently directed his face away from hers. "No," she said. "I make it a point to never kiss someone I just met. I need you to leave. _Now."_

Only a fool could've missed the dangerous tone in her voice. The man grumbled unhappily before saundering towards the door, swaying side to side as a result of the alcohol in his system.

Tifa was tempted to call him a cab at first, but after the less-than subtle touches to her backside and legs, she decided letting him wake up in a dumpster was punishment enough. No need to ban or kill someone because of a few inappropriate touches here and there because they were drunk.

The man seemed to be having trouble with the door so Tifa, as a courtesy, went over to it and held it open for him. Before she could react, however, the man suddenly reached towards and pressed his dirty lips to Tifa's own.

Eyes widening, she hastily backed away, wiping her mouth clean. _Now_ she was angry. "Okay, you're done," she said. "Get out and don't come back."

But the man wasn't done yet, based on the sudden glint he got in his eye as he rushed towards Tifa. Years of training and fighting did nothing for Tifa as the man picked her up by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall, causing the portraits drawn by Marlene and Denzel to wobble precariously.

As she groaned in pain and tried to blink away the stars in her vision, the man snuck a hand between her legs and started to work his way up. His other hand slipped beneath her shirt and groped at one of her breasts, clumsily squeezing and massaging them. Tifa's vision suddenly cleared as his hand touched the place where no man was supposed to touch and she raised her legs and kicked him away, planting both feet firmly into his chest.

The man _flew_ across the bar, crashing against a table. One of the portraits came loose and fell to the floor, the glass shattering. As the breath left the man's body, so did his hands, but as his hand slipped out from underneath Tifa's shirt, she felt a tug, heard a _snap_, and she lurched forward unexpectedly as a sudden weight seemed to settle in front of her chest.

The man clambered to his feet and glared at Tifa. "You fuckin' bitch! I'll kill you!"

Struggling to straighten her spine, Tifa planted her feet apart and raised her knuckles. "I'd like to see you try."

The man glowered at her and spit on the floor in his direction before storming out, slamming the door behind himself hard enough to cause the entire house to shake. Tifa let her arms fall to her sides as she leaned back against the wall, suddenly exhausted.

Now, not only did she have to deal with the paperwork, but now she had to deal with fixing up the bar as well.

"Tifa? Are you okay?" a timid voice said.

Tifa looked up the stairwell to see Denzel and Marlene staring back at her with wide-eyed expressions. To her pride, she saw Denzel protectively gripping Marlene's shoulders, the same way Cloud used to do before and after his Geostigma stint.

"I'm fine," she said, pushing herself to your feet. "It's late and you have school tomorrow. Get to bed, I'll clean this up myself."

"Okay, if you say so," Marlene said before disappearing around the corner.

Denzel stayed for a split second later, eyes wandering over the bar before asking, "You sure you don't need help, Tifa?"

"I'm sure," Tifa said wearily as she got the dustpan and brush out of the supply closet. Her back suddenly ached all of a sudden—well, ached _more_.

When Denzel just stood there, she smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile at him and said gently, "Don't worry, Denzel. A couple of drunk guys can't do anything to me. You get back to bed. Rest up, you got a big day tomorrow."

"Alrighty then," Denzel said as he made his way back upstairs. At the top, he called out, "If you need help, just call me."

Tifa smiled. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Denzel."

She heard a muffled "You're welcome," before the door closed and she used the brief respite to sit herself down in a nearby chair and reflect on what just happened.

Drunk men weren't rare, and neither was inappropriate touching or talk, but _assault_ on the other hand was a _whole_ different level. She glanced at the phone on the wall, wondering if it would be a good idea to call Cloud and tell him what happened.

No, she decided. She can't do that. Cloud would only worry and would probably start feeling guilty about not being there to protect her. If she was lucky, maybe she could fix up enough of the bar to convince him everything was fine.

And so she did.

First, she fixed the askew portraits on the walls, then she fixed up the table the man had slammed into, then she got out the mop and started to mop the area where the man had spit. The whole time, her back continued to ache, and when she arched her back to stretch, she felt something fall past her leg.

"Huh? That's weird," she said to no one in particular. A quick check saw that both suspender straps were still tucked securely on her chest, which meant it couldn't have been them. Her chest definitely felt looser, but that was probably when the man pushed her shirt up, she let them get some air.

When she turned around and crouched to investigate the mystery cloth, she suddenly realized why her back started to hurt so bad, why her breasts felt looser, and why she had lurched forward unexpectedly after kicking the man away.

The snapped bra in her hand did nothing but prove her suspicions.

* * *

It was late when Cloud got home, later than he expected. He knew he told Tifa he would be home at ten, but one of his clients asked him if he could do something about the monsters encroaching on his land. Normally, Cloud would've declined, but after hearing about how the monsters brutally injured the client's dog last night, he sighed and wearily got his swords out from Fenrir.

After hunting down and exterminating the monsters for the better part of an hour, it was nearly ten, and that was when Cloud bid a hasty farewell to the client, hopped on Fenrir, and peeled away towards Edge. During the entire time where he rode Fenrir back to Edge, the only thing that ran through Cloud's head was _Oh damn, Tifa's gonna kill me._

When he finally saw the 7th Heaven, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that the light in their bedroom was still on which meant Tifa was still awake and waiting for him. _Or_ she was still awake and waiting to tear his arms off for being nearly two hours late.

Swallowing his nervousness, Cloud killed the engine and pushed Fenrir into the garage. It wouldn't do to wake up half the neighborhood with Fenrir's growl, as satisfying as it was. After making sure Fenrir was secure, Cloud quietly pushed open the door leading to the bar and walked up the stairs.

"Tifa?" he called out quietly. "I'm home."

He heard footsteps coming from their bedroom and Tifa poked her head out, a smile on her face. "Cloud!" she greeted. "You're home!"

Cloud grunted when one of Tifa's arms rested on a bruise from one of the monsters when she hugged him. She quickly loosened her grip and looked at him worriedly.

"You're hurt!" she said, frowning. "Did you get in a fight again?"

Cloud chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sort of," he said. "The last client for today had a problem with monsters on his land, so I took care of it for him."

"So was that why you were late?" Tifa asked questioningly. "You, the great Cloud Strife, decided to help a random stranger out of the kindness of your heart?"

"I didn't even want to do it in the first place," he said defensively. He pulled out a small pouch. "He just offered me some extra gil. Consider it as me paying you rent."

Tifa looked down at the pouch when Cloud plopped it down into her hands. "You know you don't have to pay me rent, right? You've paid _more_ than enough to just live here, and I wish—"

"Don't," Cloud said curtly. He gripped her by the shoulders and met her gaze headon. "Don't wish for anything. Just say what you want, and I'll give it to you."

Tifa's eyes lowered to the floor as she blushed. "Anything?" she asked timidly.

Cloud nodded. "As long as it's within reason. Don't ask me to change the weather or something like that," he joked.

Tifa suddenly pulled away and bounded down the hall, towards their room. She clasped her hands behind her back and leaned forward as she asked, "Well then, would buying me a new bra be considering 'within reason?'"

Cloud's brain almost short-circuited. "W-what?"

Tifa beckoned him into their with a finger and Cloud reluctantly followed. As he walked in, Tifa gestured to her bra laying on the bed. Sure enough, the undergarment was snapped right down the middle. Cloud suddenly became self-conscious of how much closer Tifa's chest was when she turned towards him.

"See?" she said. "It snapped and I need a new one."

Cloud shook his head, tearing his gaze away from the beautiful woman standing before him. "W-what even happened?"

Tifa idly played with her hair as she answered, "Well, I was working today and I leaned down to pick something up and _snap! _The strap just broke."

Cloud's eyes narrowed. Tifa only played with her hair when she was trying to hide something from him.

"You're lying," he said accusingly. "Tifa, tell me the truth. What happened?"

Tifa sighed. She knew she wouldn't be able to put anything past Cloud. He was just too damned perceptive sometimes.

"Fine then" she said. "You want the whole story? I'll give you the whole story! One of my customers got a little bit...rowdy today. After I closed shop, I tried to get him to leave but he refused, at least at first. After I threatened him, he...he sort of groped me?"

"_Sort of?_" Cloud growled.

"He just tried to stick his hand up my legs and shirt, that's all!" Tifa explained. "I managed to kick him away, but I guess he must've had a pretty grip on whatever was underneath because when I kicked him, I heard my bra breaking. After that, he just sort of left."

Cloud's fist clenched as he started out the door. "Bastard," he muttered under his breath. "I'll find him for you."

Tifa managed to catch Cloud by grabbing his wrist. "You don't need to do that!" she said. "I already banned him which means he'll never set foot inside here again."

"That's not the point!" Cloud retorted. He turned around and grabbed Tifa by the shoulders again, trying not to notice how much _everything_ bounced. "Why didn't you call me? I should've been here!"

"That's exactly why I didn't call!" Tifa replied. "You were busy! Plus, I didn't want to make you feel guilty for not being here to protect me! I can protect myself, you know!"

Cloud scoffed. "Yeah, and look where that got you. Now I have to file a report to the cops, track this guy down, and _you_ have a broken bra."

"I already called Reeves and he said he'll track him down," Tifa explained. "In fact, he just called me an hour ago. Apparently, they already nabbed him, which means that if you go after him by this point, you'll probably be charged with trespassing on official government property!

Cloud sighed. "Fine then. You win. I won't go after him and I'll try not to feel guilty about this whole mess. Happy?"

Tifa nodded. "Happy," she said.

Cloud nodded firmly, the matter settled, as he prepared himself for bed. When he got out of the shower, drying his spiky blonde hair, Tifa was still sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him.

"What?" Cloud asked when Tifa continued to stare at him.

"You know," Tifa said as she glanced down towards her chest. "Bra's still broken. I need a new one."

"Okay?" Cloud said. "Go buy a new one then. I don't know why you want me to buy your clothes for you."

Tifa glared at him as she stood up. She turned so she was facing the wall and took a couple steps forward. Cloud's eyes were immediately drawn towards her chest and when she turned toward him again, he snapped his eyes back up.

"See?" Tifa said. "You see how much they bounce? I can't go out in public like this!"

Cloud rubbed the back of his neck as he laid down on the bed. "Okay, then wear another one then. Problem solved!"

"I don't _have_ another bra," Tifa said. "This was the only one I had!"

Cloud sat up, a look of incredulity in his eyes. "You're telling me you basically had _one_ set this entire time?"

Tifa nodded.

"Why don't you get more of them then?" Cloud asked, throwing his hands up. "You can get them anywhere, can't you? Go order them or something."

"I can't," Tifa said defensively. This whole situation was getting more and more awkward the longer it dragged out. "They don't have my size."

Cloud narrowed his size. "They don't have your size," he repeated dully. "Yet _I'm_ able to order my custom-made coat."

"You really think women's clothing is as simple as saying small, medium, large?" Tifa said. "I had my bra _custom-made_! Even if I could go out in public without being groped and stared at, I can't just go to any good lingerie store and order the bra I need!"

"Why'd you have it custom-made then?" Cloud asked. "Can't you just find a temporary bra that fits you well enough for a couple days and then go order your new one?"

"I misspoke," Tifa said. "I had my bra custom-made because _no other bra fits me!_"

"That's stupid," Cloud noted dryly. "Why not?"

A vein pulsed in Tifa's forehead and Cloud immediately knew he said something wrong.

Frustrated, she threw her hands up and stormed into the bathroom. "_Men!_" he heard her mutter.

Cloud sighed as he rolled off the bed as knocked on the bathroom door. "If you're going to sulk in the bathroom, at least leave it unlocked in case I need to use it."

Begrudgingly, Tifa opened the door and planted her hands on her hips. "I _can't_ just order a new bra," she said, now much more calmly. "First off, I can't go out without wearing a bra because everyone would stare at me. Secondly, even if I could go out looking like this, I can't go to any random clothing store and ask for a bra because _none_ of their sizes fit me."

"And again, why not?" Cloud asked. "If you can't give me a reason as to why you can't just pick any random bra that's close your size, then—"

"Because society thinks that if you have big boobs, you're fat!" Tifa exclaimed.

Cloud stared at Tifa, trying to process what she just said. "But...but you're not fat," he finally managed.

Tifa rolled her eyes. "Thanks for noticing, Cloud. Now, are you able to buy me a new bra or are you just gonna keep standing there?"

Cloud rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay, well, where can we buy them?"

Tifa gave Cloud a small slip of paper. "Here," she said. "Call them and they'll ship it to us either by tomorrow or you can pick it up yourself."

"What's up with these numbers and letters?" Cloud asked. "Are they supposed to be your measurements or something?"

"Yes," Tifa said breezily. "Those are my bust-waist-hip measurements."

Cloud looked up at her, mildly impressed and surprised. "Your bust is _ninety-two centimeters?_"

Tifa merely gestured down towards her chest. "You know, I'm pretty sure there's a law of science somewhere that says that the larger something is, the larger its measurements are."

"Why don't you call them yourself?" Cloud asked as he peered at the tiny, neatly-written letters and numbers on the paper.

Tifa suddenly looked sheepish. "Because...because they sort of hate me."

Cloud looked up at Tifa. "And..._why_ do they hate you?"

Tifa rubbed her arms, looking like a schoolgirl who had just been caught in the act, albeit a _very_ well-developed schoolgirl. "I sort of kicked them out of 7th Heaven."

"And _why_ did you kick them out?" Cloud prompted.

Tifa pursed her lips and crossed her arms. "I don't really remember, but it was during the celebration party for you after your Geostigma was gone. I guess I got a little bit tipsy, and so did the people who run the place where I usually order my bras from, and they started making fun of me and then I made fun of them back and things escalated from there."

Cloud frowned. "So _that's_ why you were in a shouting match," he mused.

"I wasn't shouting," Tifa said, affronted. "I was...saying things very loudly."

Cloud sighed again. "Dilly dally shilly shally," he said, repeating Tifa's words back to her. "Fine, I'll call them and see if I can pick it up either tomorrow or the day after."

Tifa suddenly jumped on Cloud and wrapped him in a massive bearhug. "Thanks Cloud!" she chirped. "You're the best!"

"That's because I am the best," he dryly replied before prying himself free and walking down to the bar area to place his call.

Tifa waited patiently on the edge of the bed, her hands underneath her legs and swinging them freely. When Cloud returned a few minutes later, Tifa immediately picked up on the stricken expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "You didn't have a hard time just reading a couple letters and numbers, did you?"

Cloud shook his head as he sat himself down on the bed next to Tifa. "_Eight hundred fifty_ gil for _one_ bra?" he asked.

Tifa bit her lip to keep from laughing at Cloud's stricken expression. "Oh, uh, yeah. There's _another_ reason why I didn't want to buy it myself."

"So you made _me _waste money on _you_?"

"Yeah…"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Cloud, please don't be mad at me. I promise to pay you back one day!"

"You're so freaking lucky that your chest is about as large as the cost on that damned bra."

_*Smack*_

"Cloud!"

* * *

A/N: Hope y'all enjoyed! Ladies, I'm sorry.


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